Merrill Markoe once quipped, "It's like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!" But the bigger question is: Can you still have annoying habits and be accepted anyway? Author Francine Klagsbrun asked a select group of successfully married couples the secrets of their happy marriages. Often they replied, "We don't expect perfection." Even though their spouses had qualities they would like to see changed, they had learned to accept those qualities because, as one woman said, "The payoff is so great in others areas." Former president Jimmy Carter discovered a surprising benefit when he chose NOT to try to change his spouse. He once told how NOT criticizing Rosalynn actually enhanced his marriage (READER'S DIGEST, July 1989). This is what he said: "Perhaps because of my Navy training, punctuality has been almost an obsession. Rosalynn has always been adequately punctual, except by my standards. A deviation of five minutes or less in our departure time would cause a bitter exchange. "One morning I realized it was Rosalynn's birthday and I hadn't brought her a present. What could I do that would be special for her? I hurriedly wrote a note: 'Happy birthday! As proof of my love, I will never make an unpleasant comment about tardiness.' I signed it and delivered it in an envelope, with a kiss. "More than four years later, I still keep my promise. It has turned out to be one of the nicest birthday presents for Rosalynn -- and for me." His last sentence is telling. It turned out good for Rosalynn AND for him! The surprising benefit of accepting others without wishing that they were different is that you, too, will be happier.What a wonderful present to give to somebody -- complete and unconditional acceptance! And its just too good a gift to wait for a birthday. 译文 美林·马尔科（Merrill Markoe）曾打趣地说,“简直不可思议。当你独自生活时，你所有令人讨厌的习惯都不见了!”但更重要的问题是：在你仍有坏习惯时还能被人接受吗? 作者弗朗辛·柯拉斯本（Francine Klagsbrun）向一群挑选出来的成功已婚夫妇询问其幸福婚姻的秘诀。他们一般都会说，“我们不期待完美”。尽管他们希望看到自己配偶的有些品质能有所改变，但他们已经学会了接受这些品质，正如一个女人说的那样：“其他方面的回报足以弥补这些不足。” 美国前总统吉米·卡特宁愿不去改变他的配偶，结果从中发现一个令人惊讶的好处。他曾经解释说不苛求罗莎琳对于改善他的婚姻起到了多大的促进作用(读者文摘，1989年7月)。他是这样说的： “也许因为我接受过海军训练，守时几乎已经成为我的一种强迫观念。罗莎琳一直非常守时，但按我的标准还不够。如果我们的出发时间出现一个5分钟左右的误差，我们俩就会发生不愉快的口角。 “有一天早上，我突然意识到今天是罗莎琳的生日，而我还没有给她一份礼物。我该怎么做才算是给她一份特殊礼物？我赶紧写了一张便条：‘生日快乐!为了证明我的爱，我将永远不再对迟到说三道四，让你不快了’。我签上名，装入信封，吻了一下，发了出去。” “4年多之后，我仍然信守自己的承诺。结果证明这是给罗莎琳的最好生日礼物——对我也是。” 他的最后一句话吐露真情。这样做确实对他和罗莎琳都有好处！接受别人而不期望他们有所改变，这样做会给你带来意想不到的好处，那就是你也会更快乐。 这是送给别人一个多么美妙的礼物，完全和无条件的接受!这是一件多么好的礼物，不必等到生日才送。
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